The Eternal Tangent

"What happened to you?"

*laughs
"I guess you think I'm weird, and if you're asking that question, then you think I acknowledge my own weirdness."

"Sorry, I don't want to say you're weird,..."

"Some people just look too long into the abyss, you know."

"Come on, speak to me like I'm an idiot here; I don't want to misunderstand anything."

"It's not that hard to understand... Look, everyone knows the poem about the road not taken, right? I mean, you know it, I'm sure of that."

"I know it."

"Well, if you go off the beaten path and travel too far, for too long... there's a good chance you're not going to make it back. Maybe you forgot how to get back. Maybe you don't want to go back... Maybe you don't even remember what "back there" is."

"So, you're saying you lost your way somehow?"

"No... No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying I'm one of those who don't want to go back. My eyes are wide open, brother."

"..."

"Look, lots of people go on a journey of self discovery, and at some point, maybe because they didn't like what they learned, or maybe because they didn't learn anything at all,... they just give up and go back to being the same old cunts they always were. I guess most people who embark on such a journey end up that way."

"So, you're saying you've reached some point of enlightenment?"

"I believe there are two rules everyone should follow...

1. Know thyself, and
2. To thine own self be true.

Most people think they've accomplished rule number one and just go about following rule number two. Most of the time, anyway...
But, those who really accomplish number one are few and far between. Many come close, but when they see themselves for what they are, it scares the shit out of them, and they end up denying it."

"So, you're one of the few who actually figured himself out, and the rest of us are just walking around blind?"

"I wouldn't say 'blind'... self delusional, yes. We spend so much time focusing on the self. Through years of accretion of sensory experiences, we have come to the conclusion that each and every one of us is somebody, when in fact, each of us is actually nobody. Of course, most people would deny that with every fiber of their being and go on following the programming."

"So, then what's the point? Why bother?"

"A kid doesn't turn down a trip to Disneyland just because it'll be over eight hours after it gets started. I enjoy falling asleep in a kayak on a calm lake on a summer day. I enjoy sexual experiences, I..."

"OK, I get it. Is there any Scotch left in that bottle?"

"Not much, but I've got another in the cupboard."

"You better get it out then..."

Resolving Image Focus

It moved across the open space with unimpressive speed and he knew he would have it. As he closed in, a deep shadow appeared ahead and threatened to take it from him. As it scrambled for the blackness, he became aware of how shiny its black back was and with his peripheral vision, through a hole in the wall, he could see a few rays breaking through the clouds.

He balled up the towel and hurled it forward. It spread open as it dropped, falling right onto the cockroach and bringing its desperate plight to an end.

Thirty seconds later, it was back in the glass. They sat outside together until the daylight hours came to a close.

I suppose you're feeling quite satisfied right now.

I feel alright.

You've had that one for quite awhile now. Longer than usual.

There'll be others.

Sure. Well, probably...

...

Haven't you had enough of this?

What would you do without me?

...

He awoke some hours later in complete blackness. Nothing to be seen and no way to make it visible. But, it was there and without much fumbling, he put his hand around the glass and picked it up. He gave it a little shake and put it to his ear. From inside, the sound of little shuffling feet. He put it back down and before long he returned to his dreams.

When he next opened his eyes, there was enough light in the room to see the glass. It lay inside on its back. He picked the glass up and softly shook it knowing that the waves of doubt would soon be washing over him again.

A rare sigh passed his lips.

You're On In Five Minutes...

"You look nervous."

"I am. A little. Any last words of encouragement before I go out that door and embarrass myself?"

"Well, I assume you've done all the necessary preparations and..."

"I don't know about all of them."

"Alright then, what I mean is, I guess you've done your best to get ready for this."

"I'd like to think I have, but I must admit, I did lose my focus from time to time."

"Everyone does. Anyway, you're as ready as you're ever going to be."

"Ever?"

(smiles slightly) "It's time..."

She remembers the two rules. She remembers writing them down every day for months until she was sure she'd never forget them. And, she never did. Never forgot.

But, she did ignore them from time to time.

1. Know thyself
2. To thine own self be true

The door opens and she knows that it was never about the great wide world, the universe, the social interactions... 

Through the door she carries all she ever needed. All that ever mattered.

She goes through naked and alone.

She goes through ready.

You’ve been giving up things for years to get here. I dont think I even understood that. How does a man decide in what order to abandon his life?

Last passage from No Country For Old Men by Cormac McCarthy