And it is. And you press it home.
Thinking for sure that you'd lost it, you breathe a little easier.
And then, your breath catches in your throat. That one piece, put into its proper place, makes the overall image clearer than you could have imagined...
Another portal to the past opened. Such time travel has been known to you since the beginning. Since that time when a large-enough accretion of your sensory experiences allowed you to think for the first time, Here I am...
Before that, there was the laying of the foundation. Try as you will to see into that period of the past, it remains hidden from view.
Here I am.
But, who are YOU?
"...According to this line of criticism, the sense of self is an evolutionary artifact, which saves time in the circumstances it evolved for. But sense of self breaks down when considering some events such as memory loss, split personality disorder, brain damage, brainwashing, and various thought experiments. When presented with imperfections in the intuitive sense of self and the consequences to this concept which rely on the strict concept of self, a tendency to mend the concept occurs, possibly because of cognitive dissonance." [source]
Looking back down at the puzzle, you become aware of another missing key piece. The collection of unplaced pieces seems to have grown, and somehow you're almost convinced that that key piece isn't to be found within it. Maybe the cat ran off with it...
Is there any lemonade left in the fridge?
The older I have gotten; more recently than when I was in my 20's (when I was invincible and having fun) I have a strong sense of self. I also have a strong desire to hang on to the little memories that slowly fade and dull that have made me the person I am today. I am actually comfortable in my own skin, can look into the mirror and see myself as a whole, ugly parts and all and accept it. But I can't for the life of me pin point what it is that has made me, me. That's why I keep writing now, maybe it will help me in another 30 years to pin point instances to show me how became the me I will be in my 60s.
ReplyDeleteHad a chat about seeing a shrink with the mister not too long ago. You know for my sanity (I guess step-mother hood is not for all). I pretty much poo-poo'ed the idea and will stick to early morning swims and late nights at the ceramics studio. I wonder how this will affect the young mind living in my home in later years.
"But I can't for the life of me pin point what it is that has made me, me. That's why I keep writing now, maybe it will help me in another 30 years to pin point instances to show me how became the me I will be in my 60s."
DeleteWell, if the whole is truly greater than the sum of its parts, then that is a futile endeavor. I don't believe that myself, but I can see how it's easy to think so when so many memories get locked away or erased...